Next to Prince’s shocking death, the issue dominating news outlets and social media is the one surrounding trans people’s use of public restrooms. The big question is: should they be required to use restrooms that correspond with their biological gender, or should they be allowed to use restrooms that correspond with their gender identity?
Wake up, people! Why is this even a discussion? The answer is obvious. Of course transgender people should only be allowed to use public restrooms that correspond with their God-given gender. Here’s why:
- Transgender people are notorious sex maniacs and child rapists. It’s a known fact. Seriously. Stop and think about the transgender people you know personally. Total sex maniacs and child rapists, right? Mmm hmm, I thought so.
- It is a known fact that the wafting aroma of feces and air freshener, coupled with the sound of piss hitting water from behind closed stall doors is a total aphrodisiac to perves like transgenders. If we let them in the door of the women’s restroom, we’re seriously just asking for it.
- We need to protect our kids. If a kid is faced with a trans person, especially in a restroom, who knows what long-term effects it could have? At the very least, the kid will probably be plagued by PTSD and have to undergo Christian-based counseling, and worst-case scenario (assuming they’re not molested!), they may turn trans themselves!
- Non-trans people never assault, molest, or harm anyone in public restrooms. So, obviously, if we bar trans people from using the wrong bathrooms, we can cross the dangers of public restrooms right off our list of worries.
- Everyone knows that most sexual assaults are committed by trans people, and not non-trans people. Look it up!
- The best way to earn your way into God’s good graces – and therefore heaven – is to be as intolerant and exclusive of people who are not like you as possible. Not only does God hate fags, He also hates everyone who is not a white male cisgender heterosexual American Christian Republican. It says so right in the bible!
- Speaking of God, if He had meant for people born with penises to wear dresses, He wouldn’t have invented pants, and if He had meant for people born with vaginas and boobies to wear wingtips, He wouldn’t have invented Victoria’s Secret. Think about it.
- If we let trans women use women’s restrooms, and trans men use men’s restrooms, what’s next? Are they going to want to eat at the same restaurants as us, too? What’s to stop them from frequenting our grocery stores and banks and schools? They may even demand to be allowed to drink out of regular-people drinking fountains! They’ll take over the world, I tell you!
- We normals should not be made to face things that make us uncomfortable. I mean, seriously. If trans people are uncomfortable with the law of the land, it’s just their punishment for being so … not normal.
- Because, cooties. Ick.