Well, it’s been a little over a year since Michael and I started talking about it, and now it’s really happening: we are moving to Oregon this week. The movers are coming on Tuesday to load up all of our stuff, and we will hit the road on Wednesday, arriving in Portland next Saturday.
We talked about moving away from California several years ago, but it just seemed too daunting – and we had fewer kids then! It turns out that it is an extremely daunting undertaking after all, and sometimes I can’t believe we’re doing it. YOLO, and all that.
It’s been quite an emotional roller coaster. Sifting through over a decade worth of accumulated stuff, deciding what to part with and what to pack, has been physically and mentally exhausting. Figuring out all the logistics of uprooting our big bad family, watching the kids struggle with their emotions, and saying goodbye to the people and places that we love and are so familiar has been so bittersweet. Sometimes I have moments of panic when I think, “What the fuck are we doing? Are we doing the right thing, uprooting everyone and leaving all of this behind?” It’s exciting and scary as hell.
Kevin moved out a week ago. For the time being, he is right up the street, and he’s been stopping by every day to hang out for a while, which has been so nice, and he texts me every day – sometimes we have these great texting conversations at night after he gets off work. So I’m very grateful for that connection with him. When we leave in a couple of days and end up 1,000 miles away from him, I think it will really hit me then, and I don’t guess it will be easy. He is going to try to get some time off work and go up and spend Thanksgiving with us.
We signed a lease on a house outside of Portland, so we’ll be there until we decide where we want to settle permanently and buy a house. I’m lusting after some space; it would be heavenly to have an acre or two – not out in the sticks, but I’m tired of being so close to my neighbors that I can hear them fart.
It’s surreal to walk through this house, with its rooms half empty and boxes stacked ten deep and halfway to the ceiling in the living room. I’ve never lived anywhere as long as I’ve lived in this house, and it’s so full of memories. When we moved into this house, Kevin had just turned 8, Joey was 2, the twins were 6 months old, and I thought this would be our forever home. Three of my kids were born right here in the house, and all of them have spent all or most of their childhoods here, and one of them reached adulthood. We lived through Michael having cancer in this house, lots of marital ups and downs, having a child with a disability, more birthdays and Christmases and Halloween costumes than I can count. So much that has shaped us in ways we probably don’t even realize.
I’ll take my memories with me.
Here’s to new adventures.